Nada Surf

Excerpt from my livejournal two nights ago:

I forget I have this to be honest.
Living back in San Diego after four years is a trip.
You still feel the same feelings.
You still see the same people.
But there is so much in between the gap of 18 year old me and 22 year old me that hardly anything is actually the same.

Last night was Miguel's last night home (I had no idea he'd been here nearly 5 days) and they had jam sessions. It made me feel strangely, that people could think of lyrics right on the spot.
Of course they looked to me but I said nothing.
There was so much happening in my mind. So much feeling I've put off feeling, just to search for a cliche of a lyric, to say anything just to join them.

Nobody changes but nobody is ever the same either, how is it that you can have both?

Before I went to bed, I played Damien Rice and started forming lyrics but rather just sang one of his songs. "Cheers, Darling"... How do people feel so much with so little words?
In my head I relive those things I tried to get over, but perhaps I just suppressed them. Maybe that is my form of "dealing" with situations I don't want to deal with. How do you "deal" with things that you have no control over?

I have no idea where I'm going with this.

Cheers, darling...


Today Zenia came to visit me from LA and she brought special baked good treats and everything was wonderful. I need to learn more about San Diego, I find it very strange that I know so little about a place I've been for roughly my entire life. Thank you smart phones.

Thrifting was a semi bust. Purse and camera for $6 and then Japanese barbecue. Then Fashion Valley and then cupcakes and lattes.

And nearly dying on the car ride home due to fog that came out of nowhere!!!!! What in the world. So we are back at my house and she is on the longer couch and we finished watching Louis CK's stand up which was hilaaaarious!

New Years Eve. What will you be doing? What do you wish you'll be doing? I know where I'll be...but more importantly where I wish I was.

nueve meses

In the amount of time it takes for new life to begin, I'm still trying to forget the one that existed before this. The one I knew every day for three years. And all the miles and seconds in the world that pass by can't erase each now meaningless memory. Truth be told I found a home in you, and perhaps I should be grateful for that. I read a novel about a girl in hell who said her handicap was thinking. Well, then I suppose mine is feeling.

I think I've been fooling myself by saying it hasn't gotten easier. It obviously has. Some days I forget it ever happened. But then there are those days. Those days like today where the universe decides it is time to relive it, and remember each instance that brought me to where I am today. I can picture every last memory that I wish I never had, and it consumes me so much sometimes that it gets hard to breathe.

And then I get a butt-dial and I am so entirely grateful that I can forget for only a moment that I was ever hurt.

(It is freezing. I ate soup earlier. I burnt my tongue. Soup is so delicious.)
(Some of the most foul things I've ever heard have come from my stepdad's mouth when he's playing Madden alone in his upstairs bedroom.)

Pixlr

HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEN

Christine pondering the Lego creation at Barnes & Noble

Christmas lights by my house

Dentist appointment

Famiry

So my family decided to make a facebook group dedicated entirely to our family. Every day (it's only been up less than a week, but some of these people live on facebook and are completely utilizing this annoying feature on this damn social network website clogging my feed with memories from their childhood that they ALREADY talk about in real life all the time).. As I was saying, every day someone posts a topic for everyone to comment on and give their take. I try to avoid this page at all costs. But these notifications get sent to my cell phone!!

Today was about me. FYI, my middle name is Farr but it is pronounced Fa and that is the name that my entire family calls me by. (Christmas sucks with "Deck the Halls.")

Here's a little taste of me, the way my family views me:

'

I, apparently, am a hateful little thing. Who bites people.

Can I just take a second to defend myself? My sister and I were fighting that day and she was digging her nails into my arm and I couldn't do much but do what I did. Ugh.

This does not do much defending.

I am ashamed.

-___-

No I'm not.

but really, when do i ever sleep?

digital spam

Escondido Fair:

Part of me likes the larger version of this picture. But hello there, smog.

Balloon fun

I also like the larger size of this picture.

No comment.

Minus the Bear:

In the larger version you are able to see more colors!

Do you see all these colors? Seww mennnyyy kuleurzzzz!~






It stops being fun the moment it starts becoming real. And all you're left with is yourself.

I can feel me getting too emotionally invested into whatever this even is. I know that because I will get slightly more sensitive and paranoid that whatever your replies are, are about me. I know this because I am getting stupid-girl crazy again. Butmaybeitsjustthehormones. I'm also doing that whole "reading more into things"....... like, "you said this, but what DOES IT MEAN??!!" Just that.

My thoughts and feelings are so fucking loud it is drowning out any ounce of rationalization I have left.
Zen, man. I need zen. Maybe that comes in the form of 1Q83 and jazz. Or Jonsi.

You grow like tornado

Destroy everything through

Destroy from the inside

0611011

Bought another book despite the fact that I still have 7000 other ones to finish but I'm excited because this is my first Marukami. Also, I got a cute baby.

Gnome

This is the only picture I have access to of said Halloween costume since I did not (surprisingly) take pictures. So it looks awful. Because I wore my regular clothes. With a felt hat. And a "Strudel Beard" from Spirit Halloween store.

I don't even like this picture!

Minus The Bear - mobile edition

Saux menny kuleurzzz!~

Sometimes I hate shows, concerts, events involving large crowds (with or without assigned seating) because you tend to forget that most people in the world are not 4'9 1/2" and so I spend either a lot of time dodging head shadows or on tippy toes.
Also it irks me when I see couples at shows. Not because I'm jealous, at all, by any means, but because, I mean how can you enjoy a show, with the room being as hot as it is already, with someone hanging onto you the entire time? It baffles me. Extra body heat, no thank you! I remember I went to a show with Julian once, and, no. Just, no. Anyway, Julian who? right? (Plus I think I am a lot more sensitive to heat because I hate the heat but I lovessss the cold.)
I so0o0o0o0o0oooooo0000o0o enjoyed dancing by myself! How do people stand so stiff the entire time? Head knods and feet tapping, they just don't do the whole ~concert experience~ any justice.

So on a scale of 1-10, how obnoxious do I find myself right now?

Dear Cold that I currently have since all Hallow's Eve,
Beat it.
xx

Chest heavy tonight. And I could really use a friend.

Where did you all go?

So, this is cute..

hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha

Bland Picture Post

I should never be allowed to take pictures. This is why: