“How strange it is. We have these deep terrible lingering fears about ourselves and the people we love. Yet we walk around, talk to people, eat and drink. We manage to function. The feelings are deep and real. Shouldn’t they paralyze us? How is it we can survive them, at least for a little while? We drive a car, we teach a class. How is it no one sees how deeply afraid we were, last night, this morning? Is it something we all hide from each other, by mutual consent? Or do we share the same secret without knowing it? Wear the same disguise?”

- Don DeLillo

rorrim

i've started working.
i've also kickstarted an addiction to ebay.
i crave hearing the ocean.
and good hangs with the good friends.
and new adventures.
and laughter that hurts you in the gut.
i want forgiveness.
and experience.
and acceptance.
and solace.
and gratitude.
and my tax refund.

although they are just text on a screen, reading your words takes me home.

i am trying different ways to get organized. i wonder when i am going back to school. i guess that's up to me, isn't it.. my life these days is so boring. but that is peaceful to me. i used to get news alerts on my phone because i hated not knowing current events, but all i ever got were headlines that talked about mass killings or suicide bombings and while that is the tragic truth of real things that are happening, i personally can't do anything to stop this. and i hated it. so much.

today i gave someone $7 for gas money. i was robbed.

wish i was more selfless. sorry mom and dad.

note to self: take more pictures.