I am in the weirdest, most difficult transitional phase of my life that I have ever been through. None of it matters in the grand scheme of things, and they're all only personal problems. But no one taught me how to cope with a broken heart.
I'm pretty sure Scottie only hangs out with me because a) I'm always down and b) he just really wants to see my best friend. That's wack.
I've made an observation, though. I think deep down, "you" are really unhappy. You put on this facade of being positive all the time and looking to the light of things, but I think you are really just unhappy. And since I've met you in November, I've grown to love you, and I've grown to know you. It gets so sad to watch you sometimes. You can just tell, that there's been a bad taste in your mouth over everything. I don't know what it is that makes you so unhappy all the time, I only know that I'm not what you need, let alone what you want. I'll learn that in time, on my own. Occasional drunk talks between us, those kill me more than they heal me. But despite all that, you will always be my favorite person.
I've made face with another gentleman, who I've discovered to be nothing more than.... how do I make this kosher...... nothing more than a little bitch.
All these grown ass men chasing young ass girls, because it's easy. Because they have the power. Oh men, they LOVE that, don't they...
I have a coworker who is Indian. She was born in India and came to the states about 7 or so years ago. She's a year younger than I am, so I'm going to go with the statement that she grew up in the western world. She and I got to talking earlier today about arranged marriages, and how she doesn't agree with them. While I want to say that I can mostly agree with her, at least to the sentiment that I would never be involved in one, I have to say, I don't find them all that bad. People are faced with so much freedom, and so many choices, that they don't know what to do with themselves a lot of the time. And with that, often make mistakes that could have easily been avoided. Because we all know that we know better. But it takes that experience. People fight and break up all the time, people date for years and years and get married, and divorce, and maybe it's because they held on to what used to be. Because they can't get past the reality of the situation now, because they can't accept growing older, and the more adult problems they probably face. In a way, arranged marriages fixes that. You don't know the person ahead of time, yet you spend the rest of your life with this person. In a perfect world, you learn to love this person, and you learn to grow with them and have a family, because the choice is already made for you. In a way, arranged marriages saves you from all the bullshit. You learn how to just be happy with what you've got. But by no means do I support settling. I just have a fucked up view of love.
Take homeboy for example. He broke up with his girlfriend of almost 2 years. Dude's 23, she's 18. First of all, what the fuck are you thinking dating a baby? Anyway. So they broke up and he's got girls up the ass throwing themselves at him. And he's "certain" that he's done with his ex once and for all. Yet here he is, talking to her every day, hanging out with her, and when shit gets real and maybe she decides to talk to him about getting back together, he backs out and says he doesn't want to hurt her. Well what the fuck do you think talking to her every day and hanging out with her does? Sometimes you need to hurt people. To move on. Because now you're just stuck. Stuck with the same issue that hasn't been properly dealt with, all because you're a little bitch. No, I'm sorry, that makes you an asshole. Someones feelings are at stake. You're being a selfish fuck because this is familiar, and this is easy for you. And I feel sorry for you. Poor girl has no idea.
I told my supervisors that I was pretty sure I'm getting fired hahahaha. It's not really a joke, I'm actually totally serious when I say that. But I will let the chips fall where they may. They have assured me that is not the case. Then my argument to that is why are you always on my ass?!
I haven't written anything real in so long.
"Find what you love, and let it kill you." - Bukowski
